Thursday, August 27, 2009

Nothing to see here, move along

Recently a commenter on one of my posts here at Modern Pharisee suggested that the high traffic volume was due to so many people "watching" me.
One take on that comment would be a paranoid "watch out" (which wasn't by the way my first thought, it just occurred to me as I was typing) and the other would be the sort of laughable paranoia of those watching. My organization consist of me, the rest being informants.

If you fall into the latter category, oh please, just GO AWAY, find a life
. I in turn will find one of my own. The quick exodus of freaked out paranoid watchers would leave me devoid of viewers and I'd get the message. Today is (God willing) set aside for several writing projects that history tells me I will be fortunate to complete one of, much less all of them. The wife is at work, I have a day off, and when the fuzz clears from my mind, perhaps I can make some headway. It's like that at 55 for me. I was full of ideas yesterday, but distracted by that which I should be distracted, my gainful employment. Good days, bad days the story goes, and good ones don't always line up with the opportunity to pursue my chosen unprofitable vocation. Make that hobby.

Frankly? I'd rather play chess. The simple order and complexities of the game attract me. Testing myself against the skills of others sharpens what little mental pencil I may have left It's fun, it's social. I'm sure I could stroll around Montpelier and find someone who wants to play. Maybe someday the interaction would turn to something important like "Know Christ." "Choose life, in order that you may live, you and your descendants." I repeatedly listen to the song on days like this, that I have plugged in on the top of my blog. Surely, there is "Something More Than This."

When I was younger, I was introduced to Francis Schaeffer by a combination of Wesley Wentworth and by extension, my mother. Schaeffer moved to Switzerland, to make a long story short, and set up shop, hawked his odd ideas (none of which included polygyny), prayed, and got support. I've moved to Vermont, set up shop, with an admittedly more narrow agenda, prayed, and got nowhere. So far. This is sort of my model. I do not have a desire to do organized fund raising, I've got a large enough megaphone. People know I'm here. They know what I'm doing, they know why.

So to digress into site stats again, the Modern Pharisee moved into the top 300,000 of web sites in the world (297,862nd). This is a new high and again, I am continually astounded by such movement. I'm bad at promoting my blog, there are a number of things I could be doing to make myself more visible, and yet, I trend upward, also hitting (if I recall correctly) a new high of 54,476th in the United States. This is bigger than a lot of small newspapers. Ok, really small newspapers, but still. My companion site, Vermont Polygamy has been trending towards the top million category, and also continues to trend upward.

So I go back to my meandering about Wes Wentworth, my mom, and Francis Schaeffer. It is Schaeffer's influence that has led me to think I should do diligently what I have been led to do, pray for support, and see what God does. Hence I have not blogged regularly about financial support until this summer, and have become (I am sure in the mind of some) increasingly grating about it of late. I've not created an email dunning list. I've just hung a PayPal shingle out (over a year ago) and I've let people know where they can email me if they want to do something about it by snail mail. Namely, I can provide a physical address for them to drop something to me.

The money would go to full time support of the Vermont Polygamy effort. When I am alone, even on bad days, I can churn out a lot of passably fair work, and I can more visibly pursue the confrontation of the church, and the setting up of a legalization scenario in Vermont. Or New Hamsphire. They are right next door you know. I could organize conferences of Christian Polygynists, or attend them. Etc.

The thundering response to this less and less subtle hinting is, well, not thundering. I've received two PayPal donations, one of which was to pay for my lobbyist registration. A whopping $70.00. Both from the same man. Namely, I have $10.00 to show from a reader's support. I have to fill out complicated confusing lobbyist paperwork to report on even the financial activity that I don't have.

I have something of a "contract" with my employer, and it runs out in 6 months. I don't lose my job, but it becomes easier for me to lose that job, in 6 months. Vermont. In winter. Unemployed. 2600 miles from what I think of as home. This is a looming fear.

Popularity as I continue to mention, is it's own worst enemy. I blog with full record of who I am. I advocate controversial views, with full record of who I am. There is an onrushing turnover point at which I will doubtless be fortunate to be offered the choice of continuing this, or giving it up. More likely, I would be told that my private activities and reputation are not compatible with the goals of a retail organization. I would entirely understand. I would be like Aesop's dog, losing that which I grasped for, and that which I had.

The stated goal of this effort made over three years ago was roughly "pick up, where the reformation left off." I think the marriage issue is the tip of the spear in that work. It leads to a better understanding of family relationships, which are foundational to the life of the church, and it leads to less cultural interpretation of the Old Testament, the majority of the Bible. It might also lead to less divorce, a tragedy that has touched my life as well as many others who are or used to be in church.

I may be wrong, but I can't see the Modern Pharisee going on in the same direction, and with the same resources. A fish or cut bait moment is rapidly approaching. I don't know when it will occur but it almost certainly will if I live to see another day. So far, my experience is that one day follows after the next, but I have no illusions. Life is authored by God and it's end is dictated in his book. At my age I'm betting that I'm in the latter part of that book.

There are emerging voices on the polygyny front that may take the tiny rag that passes for the mantle I wear. They are younger, and perhaps better ones. I will happily cut bait. This is something though, that you the reader chooses for me. I continue to need legal help, and financial help to go forward. If I can't, I can watch someone else, and happily drop a check in the mail once in a while.

I bluster, report, rage (pick one!), you decide.


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3 comments:

Carol said...

I have to comment on your comment,
"The high traffic volume was due to so many people watching you."
Yep. We are watching you, reading everything you write and enjoying it.
You do not receive many comments, because you have said it all. What do we have to say you have not already expounded on? You should take no comments as agreeing with you.

catwhisperer said...

You said :
"There are emerging voices on the polygyny front that may take the tiny rag that passes for the mantle I wear. They are younger, and perhaps better ones."

I looked at the link.
Apparently your young protege is not interested in accepting your "mantle", or your "rag", for that matter.

The Pharisee said...

Leave it to you, to take a remark indicating my low view of myself, and make it arrogance.