The truth is, I'd rather NOT be. It's a rather thankless job. In all other arenas most of my doctrinal views fall into some part of the conventional spectrum. On some issues I am at far extremes, such as my brand of predestination, but it is still in the realm of the conventional.
I take the unpopular but nonetheless relatively conventional view that there is no tithe, that there is no sabbath observance and so on. Again, all minority views but well worn, tired even, and comfortable to occupy. I still GIVE so in not tithing it isn't so much noticed that I'm not for tithing. I go to church when others do, so in showing up on Sunday it's hard to detect me as being an non sabbath observance type.
It's in my marriage views that I take the heat, and no, I don't like it. I've learned to stand on point and take it, I've even learned to enjoy it at times in a way, but it is ultimately wearying and I can't escape it. It boils down to the fact that I really have little choice.
Polygyny, like predestination is one of the most consistent doctrines in scripture. The more I dig, the more solid the footing gets, not less. With few people in the fray I can't exactly STOP being the way I am. If I were going to quit I would have to do the almost impossible in church, which is say ABSOLUTELY nothing. That doesn't work in a conservative reformed venue.
I remarked a while back on FLDS women that when asked about being married to more that one man they hesitated, looked very bothered and eventually came up with saying "I don't want to talk about that." That is the response of an honest person that doesn't wish to answer the question. I am quite like that myself when I am in church, and in the aforementioned reformed venue, questions never cease.
"Where's your wife, what do you do for a living, do you have any kids, where are they now, your daughter doesn't look like you, your wife is CATHOLIC? what does your son do, why did you get that divorce" and eventually, out it tumbles. "I don't want to talk about that" or what I REALLY think and then the fight is on. Conservative Reformed folk are not shy, they dig, and they don't let you keep secrets. For years in my last church I deliberately came in late, sat in back, and bolted early, but eventually I got barred at the door and the questions started.
I tried "no comment" at work, the last job I had, about three days into the job and three days later I didn't have a job. It's really not popular when someone asks you a point blank question. I just wish people wouldn't ask so many point blank questions. They really don't want to know the answers.
So I'm stuck. My Christianity is not a hobby or pastime for me, it's not a "lifestyle choice" and my religious beliefs are not a "personal religious experience." I can't just lay them down and pick them up when it works for me. So in answer to the question of whether or not I enjoy this, the answer is decidedly no. I would prefer to sink back into the background, debate minor points of scripture, throw money into the offering plate and show up every Sunday and live out the remainder of my life quietly. It's just not working out that way.
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